+ a beau__tiful ho___

January 31, 2008

And this is how you remind me of what I really am.

This is how you remind me...

-nIx- @ [[11:21 AM]]

When I feel sadness.. and the feeling of not being able to do something I want... I just really want to... fade.. away.....

Somewhere far far away.

I tend to think a lot lately, because I have too much time on my hands.

And I realised, even though I know we're both getting a kick from playing _something make believe the goodbye still feels hard for me to bear. It's like.. I really don't know. It just feels like.. (no hard feelings attached) one close person less to talk to... which is indeed depressing because I've got used to talking to ____, who has been a great friend and confidant. Well this doesn't actually mean goodbye but just less time to talk... and then sooner or later no time at all. Either way it does seem like one to me.

This apart, I've been crying/tearing before I sleep for the past few days and I've absolutely no idea of it's cause. It just seems that I do so for the sake of it, but even so, why don't I feel better after that?

What's wrong with me?

-nIx- @ [[1:16 AM]]

January 28, 2008

I just feel like a huge failure and some retard who doesn't even have enough brains to go to JC and then to uni.

Why why why.

I fucking regret wasting my time away like this. Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I want to study law, who will take me in?

-nIx- @ [[11:40 PM]]

January 27, 2008

I should stop spending.

I bought about..... $100 worth of stuff, mainly facial products and a few junkie items.

I decided to buy something better because I want my damn face back to what it was before!

-nIx- @ [[10:19 PM]]

January 25, 2008

-sneers with discontent-

Oh well. It's long over, might as well forget it altogether.

-nIx- @ [[9:18 PM]]

January 24, 2008

What do you do when your dreams get busted?

Why the fuck am I so short?

-nIx- @ [[10:20 PM]]

January 22, 2008

You know it aches too to know your friend is in such a state do you? I guess people won't know how it feels till they experience it first hand. It saddens me to see you like that, I wish I could help but there'd be a limit as to how much I can do, because the ultimate person will still be you if you're willing to give yourself the chance to move on. I still care very much and I just want what's best for you.

-nIx- @ [[9:52 PM]]

How do you replace (fill in the blank) with (fill in the blank) that can not very easily be substituted?

Every damn time life seems to go well, (fill in the blank) will always come back and destroy me once again.

It ain't the best routine. I'm so damn sick of it. I've succumbed to the painful truth of life ; that it's all fucked up.

Sometimes I don't even know who I am.

-nIx- @ [[6:47 PM]]

Feeling be gone please.Perhaps you lied, I suppose you had nothing to say.

-nIx- @ [[3:49 PM]]

January 21, 2008

; bleeding love

I so need to get this off my mind.

When one door closes...

Baby & Sunshine has moved over to the greener side of the pasture. I hope they're enjoying themselves in Animal Paradise. They meant so much to me. They did their very part to achieve their purpose on why I bought them. I loved them so very very much.

Another door opens...

And you, so unexpectedly come into my life.

and just as I'm about to step it, the door slams shut right in front of me....

And then you shut me out.

; you cut me open
and I, keep bleeding
keep keep bleeding love

-nIx- @ [[10:48 AM]]

January 18, 2008

Long day today.

1st stop - Arab Street to collect pay, Sleepy Sams (she screwed up my green tea order and the price changed again), eat ice cream,search for new cafes and Hello Kitty mascots.

Here's the outcome.

Cheers to the Hello Kitty that doesn't look like one.

Sleepy Sams, I didn't bother to take my Ice Green Tea picture

Btw, guess which colour is mine. (:

And then while searching for new cafes we saw this

Then we stopped at Haji Lane to have Ice Cream. (just a little distance from the yummy Blu Jaz Cafe). I love their wallpaper.

Left to right : Chocolate mint, lychee martini & bitter chocolate, avocado and gula melaka

Finally we went into the brown building we've always been seeing from outside and explored it.

Met lic at 6pm and we had hokkien mee for dinner (looking back at my past few meals, so much for my eat healtier food mindset)

-nIx- @ [[11:22 PM]]

January 14, 2008

Humans are weird creatures.

They can range from gentle and subtle to wild and vicious.

Yes, all extremes possible.

And guys are just as weird.

-nIx- @ [[2:04 AM]]

January 11, 2008

Seems like the priorities in life has shifted. I have no main ones though. But of late I've definitely been doing more housework than I can ever imagine. Which is both good and bad, I clean my territory, I mess other's up by throwing them their stuff back. Hurhur.

I'm pretty lazy to blog so I'll just drop by as and when I feel like it.

-nIx- @ [[11:11 PM]]

How Cheena I am plus stupid comments (boredom strikes)

[x]You like to eat chicken feet.
[ ] You sing karaoke (I'm broke and I don't know Chinese songs that well)
[ ] You've worn glasses ever since you were in fifth grade.(Perfect eyesight!)
[ ] You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable. (Isn't it already non negotiable? Duh.)
[x]You are a math genius (At least I think I am)
Total: 2

[x] You take showers at night. (So?)
[x] You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms. (Who wants to pay for overpriced junk?)
[ ] You say "aiyah!" and "wah!" frequently. (No, it's too aunty-ish)
[x] You save grocery bags (isn't this just being ecofriendly?)
[ ] You twirl your pen around your fingers. (I can't do this for nuts)
Total: 3

[ ] You have been taught that wasting food is a sin. (I thought myself overeating = fat)
[x]Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. (He actually can)
[ ] You beat eggs with chopsticks (That's slow and not being practical)
[ ] You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs. (The yolk sucks like hell)
[x] You have eaten moon cakes(but people make them way too sweet)
Total: 2

[ ] If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask you if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
[x] You email/msn your friends, even though you're only 10 feet apart. (This is called being lazy, discreet and convinient)
[ ] You can read traditional chinese
[ ] Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin before they are thrown away. (save the world please)
[x] You know what pearl milk teas are.
Total: 2

[ ] You bring fruit with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. (I rarely bring anything. HAHA)
[ ] You have acquired a taste for bitter melon (Bitter gourd you mean?)
[ ] You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table. (It varies with my appetite. HAHA)
[x] Your parents argue with other adults over the dinner bill.
[ ] You love to use coupons.(it's called kiam siap)
Total: 3

Now add the numbers up and multiply it
by 4

That makes it 40%! Boy am I surprised... NOT.

-nIx- @ [[8:10 PM]]

Some dreams obviously ought to remain as dreams.

Tata for now.

-nIx- @ [[12:01 PM]]

January 09, 2008

I shall blog.

I am bored, jobless, cashless, and waiting for results. My mind's a bit of a havoc now so just bear with me.

After studying ACCA I still don't really know what I'm studying for. Take the worst case scenerio for example, I can't differenciate P1 from P3, I hardly remember the titles for the modules I study for (basically I remember the alphabet and the number) and yet, I can still get prizewinners for so many modules. I counted that would amount to 6 out of 9papers for CAT(they unforunately recorded . After cramming at least 12hours of study daily for at least 2 months before the exam, I conviniently forget almost all that I studid for the subject the moment the chief invigilator says "pens down".

Ok HP just called up to collect my comp I have to go bye.

-nIx- @ [[1:15 PM]]

January 07, 2008

Mal de debarquement

I feel like I'm living a dream and everything I do is from memory, before I became this retarded.

I'm amazed by libraries, now I understand why Jas can stand going to it EVERYDAY. I think I can just stay there, grab a book and read for ages.

What if one day I go crazy?

-nIx- @ [[10:53 PM]]

January 06, 2008

I WORKED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES! HAHAHA. And I've a bleeding 2nd finger and an aching left hand.

Work tomorrow again. Wonders. I think it's great. I want to either spend my pay on the $150 Adidas jacket I saw.... or get a new phone. Haha.

I NEED A JOB!!! Hahaha, mad. I'm still dizzy. This better not be permanent. LOL.

-nIx- @ [[11:00 PM]]

Mood :I'm getting over you most of the time (The Click Five)

Today I had hot stone massage, shopping, food and a trip to the library.

Shopping was wayyyyyyyyyy cheap! Hahaha. Heels at $10 and a dress my sis absolutely abhors at $12. I have no idea why I bought it either, I guess it was just.. cheap?

Food was at a delicious 9/10 rating, waiting for food is almost forever but if you enjoy looking at people prepare and cook food, it's nice. Hygiene on the other hand rated at.... 1/10? But for the love of food, I'd go back. The guy is an all in one! Super amazed at his skills. I bet he cut a bit of flesh within the past 3days, there's a gaping hole on his middle finger, somewhere near his knuckle. Scary shit. :s

Borrowed the long awaited Cantonese book! Hahaha.

Off for now.

-nIx- @ [[12:12 AM]]

January 05, 2008

I think I'd prefer having school. It's boring staying at home with nothing to do. Time wasted can't be brought back.

-nIx- @ [[2:09 PM]]

January 04, 2008

Sometimes, the temptation is there, like how are you? How have you been? I've been doing this, that, yada yada.or maybe an i miss you? or can we meet up someday?
And all you can do is sit, stare and wonder ; questions unanswered. Because you're uncertain that even if you'd ask, whether ______ would get back to you.

But no I'm not going to lose myself to my temptations.

It's like so near yet so far.

Thinking back about that night, allowing my memory to just flood back. It was great, but I shouldn't have gone.I should have let you lead usme on. On one hand, I felt bitchy, but on the other, I feel contented.
I guess I'm doing alright.

-nIx- @ [[10:52 PM]]

I reformatted my whole comp without backing up. So much for my 2008 resolution. Well, works well for me. If my files are not in my friend's hard disk drive, it'll so come throught. I'm not really feeling the heartache, YET. Hahaha.

-nIx- @ [[10:03 PM]]

Thrice as dizzy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Just stayed home today. It's getting worse.

-nIx- @ [[9:39 PM]]

January 03, 2008

; as far as my legs can take me

Imagine walking down Orchard road with a fever and not knowing where you're heading, just walking and letting your body bring you forward with the crowd, like the waves pushing you forward with each step you take. That's what I think I was doing, just being tipsy and walking ; nonstop.

-nIx- @ [[11:23 PM]]

January 02, 2008

Yo ho ho, hail nixie the captain of her own ship and life.

She's still very much tipsy. Trip to the doctor costed another $50. This time I have 5 different tablets and a cough syrup as opposed to 2different tablets for the same price the first visit at the airport(it's really a ripoff and she was a really bad doctor). Today's one was pretty entertaining because I took up about half an hour. You know how doctors roll when you're paying by cash rather than claiming under insurance.

The driving lesson today was a real joy ride. I told the instructor I've been off the roads for 2momths and he said it should be alright and immediately drove off to the roads. I managed to remember a bit or two but wow. When he asked me to turn right I didn't even check for traffic and I just followed the car on my left. Good thing the driver from the oncoming traffic was daydreaming.

So today despite me being so tipsy (it's a different experience altogether), I've lived the life of a drunkard trying to drive, aka drink driving, learnt how to U-turn, do an emergency brake and do the crank course(S course).

Way too much thrill and I cancelled tomorrow's and just put the day after's on trysell. Someone better take over my slot and gimme back my money! Else risk seeing me go all woohoo on the roads like a mad idiot.

-nIx- @ [[9:02 PM]]

January 01, 2008

What happened to you? What happened to the one I used to hang out with everyday after school? What happened to the one I lost all my friends just to be with?

You've changed and a part of me still aches to know the things you've done. Please change before it's too late.

-nIx- @ [[11:21 PM]]

Last night was something different, I felt like I cared about nothing. I felt free.

Countdowns used to be by the TV watching countdowns of mine and other countries, either that or I was out watching fireworks at Esplanade.

One year passed really quick, I don't really think I've wasted many days, I think I spent at least 1/3 of the year in the library (2 months each half year). Speaking of which the Library in Egypt can never ever be compared even with the National Library here. Nevertheless, time spent learning is never wasted. Studying for ACCA, I'd love to leave this behind ( I wish to pass once and for all).

Been pretty much of a bitch this year (for me to know and NOT for you to find out anyway) I'd like to leave this behind too.

People ask me about what my new year resolutions were, I said I had none because I always never manage to fufil them. However following some afterthought, I guess I have one now - to put everything behind. I think that'd be the most meaningful thing I can ever do for myself. (:

So goodbye to 2007 and cheers to 2008!

-nIx- @ [[3:52 PM]]